When I took my first step in Iceland, several years ago, I could have never imagined where that journey would eventually take me. At that moment in time the plan was to stay here for a year, explore the beauty and enjoy the nature of this little country in the North. I laughed, I partied (it was the pre-pandemic times), I travelled, I cried and when the year was up – I stayed. Somehow, my plans had changed.

Spare the change

"Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans,” sang John Lennon imagining different worlds than our own. But sometimes our imagination cannot fathom how much our reality can change in a split second, with one single decision. Because that is all it takes for your life to flip upside down. Granted, some changes are small, like your taste in food changing over time or your interests shifting as you grow older. But some changes are big, like moving places, big career ups and downs and even break-ups.

The general misconception here is that change is either good or bad; that our life subsequently changes for the better or for the worse, and that we inevitably experience this many times through life. But there is a crucial component that gets overlooked; changes are just that, events that occurred in your life with no emotions attached to them. Changes become good or bad because of our innate need to categorize the environment around us in order to make sense of it. While our instincts kick in at times, most often we depend on our reason to analyze the situation we are in and plan our next steps. However, understanding that “things” will always inevitably happen, whether we like it or not, and working towards simply accepting that fact, is a great step towards truly becoming in charge of our own lives.

My decision to stay in Iceland came with a series of big life changes that happened in a noticeably short span of time. They affected me greatly and forced me to take a long, hard look at myself, before being able to continue. Not wanting to bore you, dear reader, with the details, it is sufficient to say that one moment I felt like I had everything I ever wanted and the next moment it was all gone. All but me, defeated, broken, and alone.

Happy mwe (OR Happy me, happy we)

Understandably, this was not the first time I felt such a substantial change happen in my life and, luck would have it, I had learnt from my previous mistakes and experience to know where I stood at this point and how I was to build myself back up again.

Having your whole life shattered is a traumatic experience that also offers an opportunity for improvement, if you consider yourself tabula rasa, at that specific moment. Once you have found yourself hitting rock bottom or losing the sense of your own identity, it becomes significantly easier to choose the person you want to be. And the experience can turn into the best opportunity to take a different path in life, avoiding making the same mistakes over again.

One crucial step, which was my first, is to turn your attention towards the good in you, in life, and in the things around you. It is perfectly normal to be sad and to wallow in sadness for days, if you believe it is a major step towards you getting better. But focusing on the positives around you, seeing other people smiling and observing gratitude in the smallest gestures might just light up a small spark in your heart that turns into a fire of motivation for a better tomorrow. There is some psychology behind this trick, as research has proved that a simple act of smiling increases the levels of dopamine and serotonin, which in turn increases your happiness. Not only that but people that perceive you as happy will act happier in your presence (just think of dogs and small babies).

A warm embrace

While the change itself is neither good nor bad, your actions leading up to it can be. This is why, most importantly, you must accept your role in the event that led to this change. It might have been your fault, or it might have been written in the stars; whichever it is, it doesn't really matter. Again, let your emotions deal with it in their own way and once they are done, let your mind take over the wheel. Just be careful not to overstep your responsibility line – life's complicated enough but when we engage with other people the “right” and “wrong” get blurry. Understanding your part is a key step in acceptance as it teaches you that you cannot control anyone else, nor can you hold yourself accountable for others’ actions.

And, finally, give yourself a hug. Eat that ice cream. Express your pride in what you have accomplished. Be your own best friend, because, at the end of the day, that is the best friend you could possibly have.

Do not let your mistakes define you, because your future is always in your hands. A change will come again, and I am sure that the next time – you will be ready to make the best of it.

Being the change

Spare the change

A warm embrace